Heckle Hall Of Fame

Ever wonder what spectators are yelling at you as you ride the course? Let us introduce you to the heckle.  Sometimes funny, sometimes crude, but whether you love them or hate them, all the time ‘cross! Just remember when in doubt heckles are a somewhat perverse form of encouragement and should be more cheer then jeer.

Post in the comments below your favorite heckles you’ve either heard, given yourself, or received while deep in the pain cave. As always, please keep it clean, bleep out any foul language (we’d prefer if you didn’t use any at all), nothing rider or team specific, and only heckles (don’t comment that you “really like that one”), and above all else… keep it fun. We here at the CCC reserve the right to delete any posts that don’t belong and will block users who frequently break the rules above.

We’ll give The Bonebell credit for this idea, but its up to you the riders to fill in the rest.

For all you newbies… check out the Cyclocross Heckling primer written by our friends at PSIMET Custom Wheels.

  1. Sean
    09/18/2010 at 1:17 pm

    You’re getting lapped by a junior….

    Like

  2. 09/18/2010 at 2:21 pm

    You ride like you drink decaf.

    Like

  3. Rich Kryszak
    09/18/2010 at 2:47 pm

    Heard last year yelled at someone chasing me….come on get him. My grandmother rides faster than you do.

    Like

  4. Kevin
    09/18/2010 at 4:06 pm

    Are you lost dude?

    Like

  5. 09/18/2010 at 7:33 pm

    They already started the next race!

    Like

  6. Lee
    09/19/2010 at 5:54 am

    Yelled at me while racing last year:
    “That’s a really nice bike…..so why are you riding so slow?”

    Like

  7. Mike
    09/19/2010 at 8:17 pm

    Is Capo (apparel brand) Italian for slow?

    Like

  8. chicagocrosscup
    09/20/2010 at 9:09 am

    You’re doing it wrong!

    Like

  9. Mike Norman
    09/20/2010 at 9:30 am

    Those are some pretty “Pro” shoes for someone that’s riding so slow…

    I didn’t realize the goal was to ride a slow as possible – I think you’re winning!

    Like

  10. Mike Davis
    09/20/2010 at 1:02 pm

    while wearing my GoPro helmet cam “You’ve got something on your helmet”

    also,
    “You’re racing like your on a road bike, go faster!”

    “You’re getting beat by a girl” – of course I am.

    “You’re getting beat by a mountain bike, you can’t let that happen” – and I didn’t

    Like

  11. Martin Michalowicz
  12. 09/20/2010 at 4:38 pm

    “Throw some more money at your bike to make it go faster!” Yelled at a 4A rider on carbon tubulars.

    Like

  13. 09/20/2010 at 4:42 pm

    “It’s Hemme ‘lite’!”

    Like

  14. 09/20/2010 at 4:42 pm

    “You are slow enough to grab all these handups – take advantage!”

    Like

  15. 09/21/2010 at 10:49 am

    You are riding your bicycle in such a manner as to suggest that you do not, indeed, know how to ride a bicycle.

    Like

  16. jason
    09/21/2010 at 11:02 am

    “come on! churn that butter, churn it!!”

    Like

  17. J
    09/21/2010 at 11:05 am

    “You’re in an underachieving PhD program and will never graduate!”

    Like

  18. J
    09/21/2010 at 11:07 am

    Referencing what looked like a 4 man TTT near the back of the 3s pack: “You guys are just like Verdigris, but slow!”

    Like

  19. J
    09/21/2010 at 11:08 am

    “How many sheep did you need to kill to make that uniform?”

    Like

  20. Alan
    09/21/2010 at 12:15 pm

    “It’s great that you can make those fast Sram components go so slow.”

    Like

  21. Alan
    09/21/2010 at 12:15 pm

    “Almost…almost…almost a $#@#$%$ track stand!”

    Like

  22. 09/21/2010 at 12:21 pm

    “You’re getting beaten by a man wearing a rear-view mirror!” (To the 50+ men at J-Park)

    Like

    • Mike Davis
      09/21/2010 at 3:17 pm

      “You make fun of those guys, but hes still BEATING you!”

      Like

  23. Lil V
    09/21/2010 at 4:38 pm

    “Taking first just like Contador does”
    Overheard after my brother (in 1st) got passed by 2nd after he dropped his chain.

    Like

  24. Matt
    09/21/2010 at 5:27 pm

    Flat bars in front of you! (can be repeated for extra effect)

    Like

  25. 09/21/2010 at 8:03 pm

    Your mother rides Scattante.

    Like

  26. Mike
    09/21/2010 at 9:42 pm

    Don’t worry, you’re not last… you’re like third from last!

    Like

  27. cmac
    09/22/2010 at 2:47 am

    c’mon this can’t be that hard you’ve been sitting down practically the whole time!

    Like

  28. Slow1
    09/22/2010 at 2:14 pm

    Yelled to me..If there was a prize for fastest dismount, you would win….but there isn’t…..ride harder!

    Like

  29. Alan
    09/22/2010 at 4:53 pm

    Brian :Your mother rides Scattante.

    …and so do you!

    Like

  30. JoshK
    09/22/2010 at 8:00 pm

    “I think you are in first…twenty first”

    “You know this is bike race, right?”

    Like

  31. Natalie
    09/23/2010 at 8:41 am

    Is this your recovery day?

    Like

  32. Stiggity
    09/23/2010 at 9:03 pm

    Demasiado chorizo, mas petrol, mas piernas

    Like

  33. debWI
    09/24/2010 at 12:59 pm

    As rider was slowly stepping over a barrier:
    “It’s only a race, don’t bother to hurry.”

    “The bike has to go over(the barrier) too ya know.”

    Like

  34. Michael Young
    09/25/2010 at 11:28 am

    Grandma called, she wants her legs back.

    Like

  35. Bryan
    09/26/2010 at 5:22 pm

    yelled at a hippster who hadn’t shaved or groomed in a month, “the small village in your beard wants you to ride faster!”

    “you may be wearing wool, and your bike may match your socks that match your jersey, but your still losing”

    Like

  36. Natalie
    09/26/2010 at 8:07 pm

    Overheard at USGP Planet Bike, shouted to a guy racing in his VeloNews kit: “Here’s the scoop! That guy’s about to pass you!”

    Like

    • Hayes
      09/28/2010 at 9:14 am

      Same rider: Breaking news, you’re riding too slow!

      Like

  37. Natalie
    09/26/2010 at 8:09 pm

    I was heckling a guy from My Wife Inc. at USGP Madison:

    “Your wife says go faster!” He smiled.

    On the next lap: “Your wife wants her money back!” He laughed as he remounted.

    After the race he came up to tell me my heckles had amused him. “But actually, I’m the only guy on the team who’s single.”

    My reply: “Maybe if you raced faster you could get a girlfriend!”

    Like

  38. Blayne
    09/26/2010 at 11:40 pm

    “You look like a very earnest young man”

    Like

  39. Jackie
    09/27/2010 at 2:50 pm

    “Way to go slow!”

    Like

  40. Jackie
    09/27/2010 at 2:53 pm

    Yelled to an Elite woman in 2nd place by a very nice spectator:

    “Come on, you’re closing the gap on her!”

    Her reply:

    “You’re lying”

    Like

  41. Bryan
    10/04/2010 at 7:30 am

    yelled at a guy riding next to me wearing a wind breaker. “Nice wind breaker IZOD, not even the juniors were that bundled up!”

    Like

  42. jroth
    10/04/2010 at 10:47 am

    Faster? Dude, I already puked.

    Like

  43. 10/04/2010 at 2:13 pm

    You’re riding slow enough to hear my play by play commentary!

    Like

    • Carlo_Felice
      10/04/2010 at 2:36 pm

      “I shave my legs better than you do!”

      Like

  44. paul
    10/04/2010 at 3:44 pm

    You must be off the front? Oh wait….

    Like

  45. Jacob
    10/04/2010 at 8:02 pm

    GET SOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Like

  46. Jacob
    10/04/2010 at 8:04 pm

    “Eat a donut, it’s carbo-loading!”

    Like

  47. j cain
    10/06/2010 at 4:44 pm

    yelled at me: “You’re getting beat by a guy in cargo shorts!”

    yelled at the guy behind me: “The guy is front of you is wearing a bandana. You’re getting beat by a guy who thinks he’s a f**king pirate!”

    Like

  48. 10/07/2010 at 2:17 pm

    You’re getting beat by a guy with only ONE CRANK ARM!

    Like

  49. 10/07/2010 at 4:27 pm

    Don’t quit – just puke!

    Like

  50. debWI
    10/10/2010 at 3:59 pm

    “your feet have to be ON the pedals to make it go”

    Like

  51. 10/11/2010 at 3:35 pm

    “There is only one Junior ahead of you this lap”

    “The record will show you ran down the hill”

    “I’m hitting on your girlfriend”

    elviscx 101010

    Like

  52. Mike Davis
    10/13/2010 at 9:18 am

    “It only hurts because you suck!”

    Like

  53. Bo
    10/16/2010 at 9:33 pm

    “Get him some hammer pants!”

    Like

  54. 10/17/2010 at 4:05 pm

    Carpentersville rhythm section today: “You would do better with your eyes closed!”

    Like

  55. thw
    10/17/2010 at 7:22 pm

    [mother with child crossed the course, then…]

    “You just got passed by a stroller!”

    Like

  56. Natalie
    10/18/2010 at 3:30 pm

    Hey, there’s a guy up there walking. I think you can beat him!

    Like

  57. 10/18/2010 at 4:40 pm

    “you are no mike sheer”

    Like

  58. 10/24/2010 at 5:48 pm

    “you can’t win, so eat a donut hole!” on top of heckler hill today

    Like

  59. Roy Hobbs
    10/25/2010 at 6:17 pm

    Said to a team rider behind me by his fellow team member…”you are getting beat by a guy wearing a performance bike jersey.” Even though they were refering to my jersey I thought it was funny.

    Like

  60. Nathan S
    10/25/2010 at 10:53 pm

    At Sunset Park when the Police motorcade rolled up:

    “The Police are here to give SLOW tickets. YOU’RE GETTING ONE!”

    Like

  61. 10/29/2010 at 7:39 pm

    Yelled by a rider who heckled himself: “I hate when I get chicked” (as he was getting beaten by a girl)

    Like

  62. Tamara
    10/31/2010 at 10:00 pm

    On Halloween: “You’re being beaten by a reanimated corpse!”

    Like

  63. Natalie
    10/31/2010 at 10:04 pm

    Yelled at a guy in a generic superhero costume: “What’s your super power? Super slow?”

    Like

  64. Magnum
    11/01/2010 at 11:16 am

    Your mustache is falling off! (even tho it was a real mustache. I was laughing and wondering for half a lap if they knew it was real)

    Like

    • Mike Davis
      11/09/2010 at 1:35 pm

      Heard at the start of 4B at Woodstock
      “Oh! It was a real mustache…”

      Like

  65. Dan
    11/01/2010 at 11:17 am

    yelled at Magnum PI: “shorter shorts would make you go faster!”

    Like

  66. Matt
    11/03/2010 at 9:50 am

    Hey! Next week why don’t you dress up in a 4a’s costume sandbagger! (Yelled at the winner of the 4b’s race)

    Like

  67. ejenyedy@comcast.net
    11/04/2010 at 9:35 am

    Jason, at the start of the Campton race was addressing the Halloween costumes for call-ups. He said, “It appears that people dressed like they are Pro CX racers is the most popular costume”. The comment got a good chuckle from the start line.

    Like

  68. Andre
    11/04/2010 at 10:47 am

    What’s it feel like to be the best of the worst? (Yelled at the leader of the 4b’s race)

    Like

  69. 11/08/2010 at 11:35 am

    Yelled at me during the run-up at Woodstock: “What weighs more: you or the bike?”

    Like

  70. Nicole
    11/08/2010 at 7:31 pm

    Overheard during 4As at Woodstock: “Your bike says Redline, but somehow I think you’re not there.”

    Like

  71. zac
    11/09/2010 at 1:12 pm

    Do exactly what your doing… Only 30% faster

    Like

  72. 6tor
    11/12/2010 at 4:16 pm

    wow you are the first one i saw falling that way…you are a mess

    Like

  73. katie
    11/14/2010 at 8:31 pm

    “i’m gonna sic my 10-year old on you” (…maybe they grow em faster in WI?;)

    Like

  74. debWI
    11/15/2010 at 2:15 pm

    at the sand pit….”this isn’t a beach party”

    Like

  75. Tom
    11/15/2010 at 4:30 pm

    The leader have one lap to go, so that means you have what?….3 laps?

    Like

  76. Matt
    11/16/2010 at 12:15 pm

    i’m a UK citizen and a friend hollered:

    “you are so slow, this is why we won the war”…

    Like

  77. 11/16/2010 at 5:27 pm

    The best one I’ve heard so far chanted by tons of people at the sandpit:

    “Pao-slow”

    Brilliant!

    Like

  78. Michael Catano
    11/16/2010 at 6:34 pm

    My favorite from this weekend (in regards to a certain team’s graphic design choices): “$5000 bikes… $5 kit.”

    Like

  79. JPHCross
    11/19/2010 at 9:43 am

    Rad Racing GP near Seattle famous for the 80m long Knapp Time run-up. “This is a run-up not a walk-up!”

    Like

  80. Derek Brown
    11/19/2010 at 8:13 pm

    Even with all those gears you can’t beat that guy leading on the single speed?

    Like

  81. 11/21/2010 at 7:43 pm

    Hammy can Hop in reference to me being overweight but still managing to bunny hop the 4X4’s at Northbrook.

    Like

  82. Drew
    11/22/2010 at 10:15 am

    You are like a Ben Folds song: long, slow, and sad.

    Like

  83. SuperGirl
    11/22/2010 at 10:20 am

    “You were fast this morning, what happened”
    Super Mario’s Girlfriend to Super Mario

    Like

  84. Jim G
    11/22/2010 at 8:16 pm

    In the 4a at Northbrook “Youre getting beat by a kid who doesn’t even have his drivers license yet.”

    Like

  85. Andy D
    11/30/2010 at 10:22 pm

    “There’s a glacier in front of you…and it’s pulling away.”

    Like

  86. Lynne Arrigoni
    12/06/2010 at 9:18 am

    I was having a little trouble getting around a tree at Montrose so I put my hand on it and pushed myself around it so I wouldn’t have to dismount. A GUY FROM MY OWN TEAM YELLED, “Quit hugging trees and race!”

    Like

  87. VeloDoc
    12/06/2010 at 1:17 pm

    You’re getting beat by SMOKERS!!!

    Like

  88. kevin clark
    01/05/2011 at 5:23 pm

    I just remembered that Kevin Klug commented on my “trials” moves on the podium boxes at Indian Lakes by informing me “that’s one way to get on the podium.”

    Can we get a handup HOF soon? I also recalled one I received this year that is sure to win.

    Like

  89. hellbelly
    05/04/2011 at 8:31 am

    Nice form there, sweetcheeks…hurry up your friends are already at the beer tent.

    Like

  90. 05/25/2011 at 7:28 pm

    best non heckle heckle.

    our teamate comes across the line and says to the official “am i done?” the official looks at her and says “are you still racing?” it was the best non intended heckle ever!

    Like

  91. 08/17/2011 at 6:17 pm

    Definitely from the Cutting Crew: Lap 1: don’t worry the guy behind you doesn’t have a bike. Lap 2: Oh #%#$, I think he is catching you.

    Like

  92. Paul
    10/03/2011 at 9:51 am

    At the Hopkins Park flyover… “People in wheelchairs go up stairs faster than you!”

    Like

  93. Ol' Dirty Biker
    10/03/2011 at 12:24 pm

    Mouthbreather!

    It was so good, it took me a few months to figure it out:

    “Mouthbreather: Someone who is ignorant to the social courtesies of public movement. consequently, they stifle the mobility of thinking humans by becoming an obstacle which must be negotiated. they can be identified by their despondent facial expressions and wide-open mouths.”

    Like

  94. Mrs. PSIMET
    10/16/2011 at 8:45 pm

    Best one heard at Carpentersville by XXX, “Please get off the course there is a race in progress.”

    Like

  95. 10/17/2011 at 4:51 pm

    To a Masters racer: “I didn’t know you guys have to warm up; I thought you just get hot flashes.”

    Like

  96. Greg Duncan
    10/18/2011 at 9:38 pm

    kid to Dad “How did he get so far back so fast?”

    Like

  97. Mudbunny
    10/22/2011 at 8:45 pm

    Dont be a loser. Pass that guy and make him the loser!

    Like

  98. 10/30/2011 at 6:39 pm

    You are getting beat by Rob Curtis. Said that to at least 2 people today.

    Like

  99. pickles
    10/31/2011 at 8:08 pm

    Told to me by random spectator “if you were not 5#’s overweight you would be faster!”, how mean was that?

    Like

  100. 11/02/2011 at 10:17 am

    I thought you wore your big girl panties today!

    Not EVERY lap is the parade lap!

    Like

  101. 07/27/2012 at 11:54 pm

    “I’m in a wheelchair and I can move faster than that!”

    Like

  102. Joe
    08/10/2012 at 10:07 am

    “Get to the pits! Your bike needs a rider change!”

    After two flat tires and a broken chain (all in the same race). A racer who will remain unnamed had his wife yell; “I didnt come all the way out here to watch you suck!!!!!”

    Like

  103. Christian
    08/26/2012 at 5:47 pm

    Right before Relay Cross Cat 4’s: “Your name is on the jersey, you better f-ing win.”
    During the Cat 4 Relay Cross race: “Don’t slow down you don’t have that much of a lead.”

    Like

  104. 10/04/2012 at 10:16 am

    Overheard to a guy on an All-City singlespeed:

    “Better hurry up, your bike is two places ahead of you!”

    Like

  105. 10/07/2012 at 9:30 pm

    Overheard at Dan Ryan Woods on 10/7/12:

    “You look like you are on the Rob Curtis diet plan”

    “Woohoo! You make those barriers look more like cow gates”

    Like

  106. 10/29/2012 at 8:08 am

    “I’m Panda hunting” heard at the Campton Cross race yesterday.

    Like

  107. 11/05/2012 at 4:50 pm

    “There’s a 12 year old girl ahead of you, why are you so slow?” – A 12 year old girl yelled this at me during the 4A race at Woodstock at the run up

    Like

  108. Ferret llama
    11/07/2012 at 1:11 pm

    You move like pond water!

    Like

  109. 11/13/2012 at 12:17 pm

    Go Karl

    Like

  110. 11/27/2012 at 10:28 am

    “All of your excuses are ahead of you, you’re going to have to ride faster to get one”

    Like

  111. Bill
    12/03/2012 at 3:37 pm

    A young kid at Montrose harbor…. ” Go Daddy….” then to me ” Go poopy baby face…. my dad is beating you….” classic…

    Like

  112. Peter
    12/31/2012 at 12:43 pm

    This isn’t a coffee shop ride move up!!!

    Like

  113. Keith
    01/05/2013 at 3:08 pm

    Wife: You need to finish the race there will be help for you at the end
    Also: Your 80 plus year old mother rides faster then you

    Mother& Daughter: Dont let that old guy beat you, Mother: Your dad is an old guy

    Like

  114. Keith
    01/05/2013 at 3:23 pm

    Good job Honey your still on the bike
    They havent had to call an ambulance for you yet
    I think my wife was having way to good of time with the heckling

    Like

  115. 01/06/2013 at 7:23 pm

    From the Photographers
    “Thanks for letting me use the slow shutter speed”

    Like

  116. John Ramsay
    01/06/2013 at 7:54 pm

    So i am a senior in high school, and i ride a mountain bike in the New England cat 4 races, i was winning a race by about thirty seconds and i hear as i am hopping the barrier, “can i go to prom with you?”

    Like

  117. Heather Maher
    01/07/2013 at 4:23 pm

    (As I was going through a sand-pit) Hey, singlespeeder! Did you know your Pompino means “Blowjob” in Italian?

    Like

  118. Manny
    10/01/2013 at 7:48 am

    Yelled at me on the first race this year, (Take off the visor on your helmet so you can see where your going !!!)

    Like

  119. eric price
    10/09/2013 at 11:09 am

    Yelled this at my buddy once. “Good cadence, but your still in 7th.”

    Like

    • chicagocrosscup
      10/09/2013 at 11:34 am

      We see what you did their.

      Like

  120. Tito Bandito
    10/14/2013 at 10:21 am

    At Dan Ryan Woods, just before the double barriers, someone yelled “ENTERTAIN ME!”

    Like

  121. 10/15/2013 at 5:26 pm

    To the Masters: “Hurry up and ride home already! There’s a Matlock/Perry Mason/Murder She Wrote marathon in ten minutes!”

    To the Juniors: “If you don’t go harder, there won’t be a Christmas/Hanukkah this year!”

    To the Elite Men’s race: “If you go harder, I’ll bake you cookies/go out with you!”

    Yelled at me in the Women’s Cat 4 race by the announcers: “Valerie: proof that no matter how heavy your bike is, you can still have fun.” By my friends: “Hey Valerie, when are you going to treat yourself to a REAL cross bike?”

    Like

  122. Tom
    10/22/2013 at 5:28 am

    Yelled at me after I crashed, “You’re supposed to go over the barriers, not through them”

    Like

  123. Johnnie
    11/20/2013 at 9:47 pm

    At Campton Cross: “Wow. Disc brakes DO work. Look how slow that guy is!”

    Like

  124. 11/25/2013 at 12:52 pm

    I have a bushy grey beard. Last year at Providence someone yelled through a PA “Galdalf! They Shall Not Pass!!!” I nearly fell off the bike I laughed so hard. I’ve bumped much younger racers from behind and said “Don’t let your friends see you get beat by a fat old man.” They are suitably motivated.

    Like

  125. Jen
    12/13/2013 at 2:21 pm

    I remember my first heckle at my first cross race – while nervously hanging onto the wheels of my two other teammates: “Finish your coffee and break up the clutch, ladies!”

    Overhead to a guy riding a bamboo bike “You gonna recycle that thing?”

    And my most helpful heckle: “just pedal faster!” Thanks.

    Like

  126. John D.
    10/02/2014 at 4:06 pm

    Hollered at me during the 4/5 race at Caldwell Woods: ‘Your mustache says you’re faster than that ! ”
    I had to chuckle at that one. Good heckle.

    Like

  127. Adam Frelin
    10/09/2014 at 2:47 pm

    After a hard crash into barriers last year a heckler shouted “you’re a disappointment to Jesus!!!”
    My favorite so far.

    Like

  128. Turkey
    11/03/2014 at 4:14 pm

    Said to the man in the turkey costume by a small child
    “I want to eat you after the race!”

    Like

  1. 09/21/2010 at 9:00 am
  2. 10/27/2011 at 10:15 am
  3. 12/21/2011 at 8:56 pm
  4. 12/29/2011 at 9:00 am
  5. 10/03/2012 at 4:57 pm
  6. 01/02/2013 at 9:02 am
  7. 09/29/2013 at 9:21 pm
  8. 05/13/2014 at 7:59 pm

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