Heckle Hall Of Fame
Ever wonder what spectators are yelling at you as you ride the course? Let us introduce you to the heckle. Sometimes funny, sometimes crude, all the time ‘cross!
Post in the comments below your favorite heckles you’ve either heard, given yourself, or received while deep in the pain cave. As always, please keep it clean, bleep out any foul language (we’d prefer if you didn’t use any at all), nothing rider or team specific, and only heckles (don’t comment that you “really like that one”), and above all else… keep it fun. We here at the CCC reserve the right to delete any posts that don’t belong and will block users who frequently break the rules above.
We’ll give The Bonebell credit for this idea, but its up to you the riders to fill in the rest.
For all you newbies… check out the Cyclocross Heckling primer written by our friends at Psimet Custom Wheels.
You’re getting beat by a girl!!!
You’re getting lapped by a junior….
You ride like you drink decaf.
Heard last year yelled at someone chasing me….come on get him. My grandmother rides faster than you do.
Are you lost dude?
They already started the next race!
Yelled at me while racing last year:
“That’s a really nice bike…..so why are you riding so slow?”
Is Capo (apparel brand) Italian for slow?
You’re doing it wrong!
Those are some pretty “Pro” shoes for someone that’s riding so slow…
I didn’t realize the goal was to ride a slow as possible – I think you’re winning!
while wearing my GoPro helmet cam “You’ve got something on your helmet”
also,
“You’re racing like your on a road bike, go faster!”
“You’re getting beat by a girl” – of course I am.
“You’re getting beat by a mountain bike, you can’t let that happen” – and I didn’t
A new form of heckle : http://www.flickr.com/photos/23227683@N07/5008267808/in/set-72157624871351069/
“Throw some more money at your bike to make it go faster!” Yelled at a 4A rider on carbon tubulars.
“It’s Hemme ‘lite’!”
“You are slow enough to grab all these handups – take advantage!”
You are riding your bicycle in such a manner as to suggest that you do not, indeed, know how to ride a bicycle.
“come on! churn that butter, churn it!!”
“You’re in an underachieving PhD program and will never graduate!”
Referencing what looked like a 4 man TTT near the back of the 3s pack: “You guys are just like Verdigris, but slow!”
“How many sheep did you need to kill to make that uniform?”
“It’s great that you can make those fast Sram components go so slow.”
“Almost…almost…almost a $#@#$%$ track stand!”
“You’re getting beaten by a man wearing a rear-view mirror!” (To the 50+ men at J-Park)
“You make fun of those guys, but hes still BEATING you!”
“Taking first just like Contador does”
Overheard after my brother (in 1st) got passed by 2nd after he dropped his chain.
Flat bars in front of you! (can be repeated for extra effect)
Your mother rides Scattante.
Don’t worry, you’re not last… you’re like third from last!
c’mon this can’t be that hard you’ve been sitting down practically the whole time!
Yelled to me..If there was a prize for fastest dismount, you would win….but there isn’t…..ride harder!
…and so do you!
“I think you are in first…twenty first”
“You know this is bike race, right?”
Is this your recovery day?
Demasiado chorizo, mas petrol, mas piernas
As rider was slowly stepping over a barrier:
“It’s only a race, don’t bother to hurry.”
“The bike has to go over(the barrier) too ya know.”
Grandma called, she wants her legs back.
yelled at a hippster who hadn’t shaved or groomed in a month, “the small village in your beard wants you to ride faster!”
“you may be wearing wool, and your bike may match your socks that match your jersey, but your still losing”
Overheard at USGP Planet Bike, shouted to a guy racing in his VeloNews kit: “Here’s the scoop! That guy’s about to pass you!”
Same rider: Breaking news, you’re riding too slow!
I was heckling a guy from My Wife Inc. at USGP Madison:
“Your wife says go faster!” He smiled.
On the next lap: “Your wife wants her money back!” He laughed as he remounted.
After the race he came up to tell me my heckles had amused him. “But actually, I’m the only guy on the team who’s single.”
My reply: “Maybe if you raced faster you could get a girlfriend!”
“You look like a very earnest young man”
“Way to go slow!”
Yelled to an Elite woman in 2nd place by a very nice spectator:
“Come on, you’re closing the gap on her!”
Her reply:
“You’re lying”
yelled at a guy riding next to me wearing a wind breaker. “Nice wind breaker IZOD, not even the juniors were that bundled up!”
Faster? Dude, I already puked.
You’re riding slow enough to hear my play by play commentary!
“I shave my legs better than you do!”
You must be off the front? Oh wait….
GET SOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
“Eat a donut, it’s carbo-loading!”
yelled at me: “You’re getting beat by a guy in cargo shorts!”
yelled at the guy behind me: “The guy is front of you is wearing a bandana. You’re getting beat by a guy who thinks he’s a f**king pirate!”
You’re getting beat by a guy with only ONE CRANK ARM!
Don’t quit – just puke!
“your feet have to be ON the pedals to make it go”
“There is only one Junior ahead of you this lap”
“The record will show you ran down the hill”
“I’m hitting on your girlfriend”
elviscx 101010
“It only hurts because you suck!”
“Get him some hammer pants!”
Carpentersville rhythm section today: “You would do better with your eyes closed!”
[mother with child crossed the course, then...]
“You just got passed by a stroller!”
Hey, there’s a guy up there walking. I think you can beat him!
“you are no mike sheer”
“you can’t win, so eat a donut hole!” on top of heckler hill today
Said to a team rider behind me by his fellow team member…”you are getting beat by a guy wearing a performance bike jersey.” Even though they were refering to my jersey I thought it was funny.
At Sunset Park when the Police motorcade rolled up:
“The Police are here to give SLOW tickets. YOU’RE GETTING ONE!”
Yelled by a rider who heckled himself: “I hate when I get chicked” (as he was getting beaten by a girl)
On Halloween: “You’re being beaten by a reanimated corpse!”
Yelled at a guy in a generic superhero costume: “What’s your super power? Super slow?”
Your mustache is falling off! (even tho it was a real mustache. I was laughing and wondering for half a lap if they knew it was real)
Heard at the start of 4B at Woodstock
“Oh! It was a real mustache…”
yelled at Magnum PI: “shorter shorts would make you go faster!”
Hey! Next week why don’t you dress up in a 4a’s costume sandbagger! (Yelled at the winner of the 4b’s race)
Jason, at the start of the Campton race was addressing the Halloween costumes for call-ups. He said, “It appears that people dressed like they are Pro CX racers is the most popular costume”. The comment got a good chuckle from the start line.
What’s it feel like to be the best of the worst? (Yelled at the leader of the 4b’s race)
Yelled at me during the run-up at Woodstock: “What weighs more: you or the bike?”
Overheard during 4As at Woodstock: “Your bike says Redline, but somehow I think you’re not there.”
Do exactly what your doing… Only 30% faster
wow you are the first one i saw falling that way…you are a mess
“i’m gonna sic my 10-year old on you” (…maybe they grow em faster in WI?;)
at the sand pit….”this isn’t a beach party”
The leader have one lap to go, so that means you have what?….3 laps?
i’m a UK citizen and a friend hollered:
“you are so slow, this is why we won the war”…
The best one I’ve heard so far chanted by tons of people at the sandpit:
“Pao-slow”
Brilliant!
My favorite from this weekend (in regards to a certain team’s graphic design choices): “$5000 bikes… $5 kit.”
Rad Racing GP near Seattle famous for the 80m long Knapp Time run-up. “This is a run-up not a walk-up!”
Even with all those gears you can’t beat that guy leading on the single speed?
Hammy can Hop in reference to me being overweight but still managing to bunny hop the 4X4′s at Northbrook.
You are like a Ben Folds song: long, slow, and sad.
“You were fast this morning, what happened”
Super Mario’s Girlfriend to Super Mario
In the 4a at Northbrook “Youre getting beat by a kid who doesn’t even have his drivers license yet.”
“There’s a glacier in front of you…and it’s pulling away.”
I was having a little trouble getting around a tree at Montrose so I put my hand on it and pushed myself around it so I wouldn’t have to dismount. A GUY FROM MY OWN TEAM YELLED, “Quit hugging trees and race!”
You’re getting beat by SMOKERS!!!
I just remembered that Kevin Klug commented on my “trials” moves on the podium boxes at Indian Lakes by informing me “that’s one way to get on the podium.”
Can we get a handup HOF soon? I also recalled one I received this year that is sure to win.
Nice form there, sweetcheeks…hurry up your friends are already at the beer tent.
best non heckle heckle.
our teamate comes across the line and says to the official “am i done?” the official looks at her and says “are you still racing?” it was the best non intended heckle ever!
Definitely from the Cutting Crew: Lap 1: don’t worry the guy behind you doesn’t have a bike. Lap 2: Oh #%#$, I think he is catching you.
At the Hopkins Park flyover… “People in wheelchairs go up stairs faster than you!”
Mouthbreather!
It was so good, it took me a few months to figure it out:
“Mouthbreather: Someone who is ignorant to the social courtesies of public movement. consequently, they stifle the mobility of thinking humans by becoming an obstacle which must be negotiated. they can be identified by their despondent facial expressions and wide-open mouths.”
Best one heard at Carpentersville by XXX, “Please get off the course there is a race in progress.”
To a Masters racer: “I didn’t know you guys have to warm up; I thought you just get hot flashes.”
kid to Dad “How did he get so far back so fast?”
Dont be a loser. Pass that guy and make him the loser!
You are getting beat by Rob Curtis. Said that to at least 2 people today.
Told to me by random spectator “if you were not 5#’s overweight you would be faster!”, how mean was that?
I thought you wore your big girl panties today!
Not EVERY lap is the parade lap!